Letter from someone who's been there.

Hello, all you soon to be adoptive parents!

How are you feeling today? The answer to that is probably either overwhelmed, impatient, worried, scared, frustrated, angry, sad, hopeful, optimistic, tired, or a combination of a lot of these and other emotions. Guess what? That’s okay and those emotions will pass. Take a deep breath. Know that adoption is not easy on anyone. Adoption is one way to create a family or add to your family. It is a blessing filled with an endless roller coaster of emotions.

I’ve been there three times. I am so thankful to say that I have two beautiful and wonderful children. I know what you are going through can seem like a lot. It’s frustrating that you must fill out forms, have physicals, background checks, strangers in your home and place all of your most sacred information and feelings down on several pieces of paper. Then you must wait. Wait for the home study to be finished, wait to be selected by a birthmother or matched with a waiting child, wait for your child to be born or ready to come home, wait for red tape (with international) and wait for relinquishment and finalization.

It can seem like a lot of stress and a lot of waiting. Please don’t forget to keep the hope alive. Children are full of hope and wonder and will bring such joy to your life when they arrive. While you are going through this sometimes chaotic process, remember to stop and smell the roses, or hydrangeas, or rhododendrons; any flower really. Take time for yourself. Take time for your spouse. If you already have children, take time to be with them before they have a new sibling. Take them to the park, go for a hike, or go to a museum. Do whatever you love to do together.

Adoption can, at times, seem like it makes you put your life on hold because you get caught up in everything you have to do and all of the emotions you are feeling as you desperately wait for that child that will call you ‘Mom’ or ‘Dad.’ I totally understand because it is hard. At times it can feel like you are at war with yourself because you want to be happy for the neighbor who is pregnant or you want to just relax with your spouse, but something in your brain just doesn’t seem to allow you to do that. It can seem like adopting is all you can think about. Adopting is not easy. Keep in mind that it is also not easy for the many expectant mothers out there who might become birthmothers. Also, keep in mind that while this can sometimes seem like an endless struggle with no light at the end of the tunnel, it will end and you will see the light.

Then you become a parent for the first time or a parent again, and then the fun, sometimes chaotic and new stresses and/or worries begin!

Please always remember it does get better even when it can seem like it won’t. Keep your chin up and enjoy life (and sleep) as much as you can. You are doing fine. I feel life always seems to have a way of working things out just the way they are meant to be. Just wait and see! (We learn to get good at waiting!)

Sincerely,

Someone who has been there :)

Perspective

PERSPECTIVE

You are about to embark upon the most frustrating, challenging, and ultimately rewarding experiences of your life.

I can make you two guarantees.

One – if you stick through the frustrations and possible changes, we will find you, with the help of our Heavenly Father, the child that is meant to be part of your family.

Two – you will not be happy with this process until your child has come home.

The  most important thing that you can do is to keep your eyes focused on the goal.

If you remember that the goal is to bring a child into your home, then the small frustrations will ultimately seem just that – small.

Talk with families who have placed through Lifeline, and surround yourself/yourselves with people who truly understand what it is like to walk thru domestic adoption. The loss of control you will feel in this process is like no other you will ever know and like no one else can understand, unless they have been where you are now.

Most of all, do your best to see the light at the end of the tunnel.

And when you worry and become frustrated with the paperwork or the wait or the many number of little details involved in adopting from the USA, remember to be thankful that you have the opportunity to worry about the small problems, because that means someone else is worrying about the big ones for you.

Waiting

Sometimes you find yourself in the middle of a season where there is beauty and heartache at the same time. You're fully aware of God's nearness, yet you are constantly having to lay down questions, doubts and pain. If you're honest and real- which we absolutely have to be with God- you have some really intense conversations with Him. One thing I've realized tho, is that asking why and remaining there only brings more questions- but worshipping and trusting Him brings breakthrough. It might not be this big goosebump and immediate joy kind of breakthrough- but it's a breaking through of His spirit through the walls of offense and deep disappointment. The pages of my journal might contain majorly honest thoughts and concerns to the Lord- but somehow through it all He meets me here and gives me a peace that I cannot explain. As I've been walking through this season with my sister losing her sweet baby, still born at 7 months- I've come to learn more and more that Religious Christianese terms or phrases don't help- they actually shut someone down. But true emotion and walking through the valley with someone in this place helps. Waiting on the Holy Spirit, worshipping while tears are running down your face, surrendering your questions and fears, letting go of offenses, and waiting for Him to meet you here- that's what helps- so...here I am Lord--waiting.

Kari Jobe wrote that and posted it on Facebook today. I know exactly what she means when she says " I've come to learn more and more that Religious Christianese terms or phrases don't help- they actually shut someone down. But true emotion and walking through the valley with someone in this place helps." I have wanted to turn and run when this happens - most recently! I keep feeling the tug of Jesus, my Abba Father pulling me back; with His gentle voice and soft hands. He holds me in His arms and says Be Still and Know... Be Still and Know, my precious daughter. This season has felt like a long one and although deep down I know one day I'll look back at it and say, I get it, I understand and I'd do it all over again for these results... today I'm frustrated and wondering when this season will end. Here I am Lord -- waiting.

Fundraisers & Grants = Blessed

I'm so excited and blown away by the financial support we have received towards our adoption. God is continuously showing up!

We’re overwhelmed with gratitude to have received our first matching grant. Little by little, we are getting closer to being fully funded for this adoption. While we will not know the exact cost of our situation until we match, we think we’re about $8,000 away from the majority of situations we have seen.

We are incredibly grateful to have received a matching grant of $3,000 from LIFESONG FOR ORPHANS, funded by First Alliance Church. Lifesong is a non-profit organization, so all donations are tax-deductible. Any funds raised will be released directly to the adoption agency to cover our fees (we will not get any money directly). 100% of donations go to our adoption since all administrative costs are underwritten by Lifesong partners.

So many have already given, and we are so thankful. We will be very happy when we are done asking for money, too ;) It’s not easy or pleasant, yet, through people like you, the Lord has continued to provide miraculously for this adoption.

THANK YOU does not even begin to express how we feel about all of the support we have been shown.

About me & why I blog!

Hi, I'm Kristin! Some call me Kris, family calls me Kristi and my man calls me Missy Krissy. Most importantly, I'm called daughter to the King of Kings. 

I'm passionate about my family, adoption & my relationship with God. I love sharing here about how I am being challenged in my faith & finding joy in the every day moments of life (even when times are rough). I'm also a huge fan of the beach, I love reading, Starbucks chai lattes are the bomb, I enjoy crafting, college football season & going on adventures with my man are pretty much my favorite.

I'm married to my amazing husband Adam. If you know him, you know that he is not only an incredibly handsome, sweet & passionate man, but he is also absolutely my better half! Adam & I are a bright, fun-loving & passionate couple. We are crazy in love with each other. Our desire is to live purposeful lives that reflect the heart of God.

For about 10 to 11 months, we have been on an adventure to bring our first child into our family through adoption. The adventure has been wild, wonderful & challenging, to say the least. I've always loved to express myself through writing. When we started our journey to adopt, I felt God calling me to share our story. This blog has not only been an awesome way for us to include our family & friends in our adventure to bring "Baby H" home, but also a way for God to move in the hearts of many. It's been humbling & encouraging to see Him move & inspire hope in the lives of others through our little story.  

I'm just a simple girl with big dreams in my heart & a wife in need of His grace. I'm walking with the Lord through the highs & lows of life, & surrendering my life to Him in a desire to be changed & made more in His image. I share my story not because I have it all together, but because like the rest of you, I am seeking to "figure it all out". Through mistakes & triumphs, I am learning what it means to be brave, to love deeper & to extend grace more freely. 

We all have a story to tell because God has created each of us for a unique purpose in Him. I hope that my story will encourage & inspire you to see beauty in the every day, seemingly ordinary moments of life, to take action in the causes you are passionate about & to seek God in a deeper, more intimate way.

Thanks for visiting our blog and being interested in our story. I hope you will be encouraged by what you read here!

Infertility

infertile.
such an ugly word.
with an even uglier definition.
this word has been stamped on my forehead.
for years.

infertility.
it's dark.
it's lonely.
it's painful.
it's maddening.
it's isolating.
it's life changing.

infertility.
has changed my life...

for the better.

I am grateful
grateful for this trial
what it has taught me.
who it has shaped me into.

what?!
I know.
last year me would punch today's me in the face for saying that.
seriously.

I used to pray for babies.
lots and lots of babies.
time passed.
no babies.
I started praying for answers.
time passed.
no answers.
I started praying for peace.
peace to accept what I can not change.
that's when my perspective started to change
to find peace, I had to exercise faith.
faith in God.
faith in His plan.
faith in His timing.
through faith
I found peace.
I was broken.
and faith healed me.
I then began praying for direction.
and gently He said... remember your desire to adopt.
because I was able to find peace,
it allowed new doors to be opened,
doors I might have closed or forgot about.
it was His plan all along.

He knows.
He hears our prayers.
He knows our fears.
He has a plan.
and it's better
then we could ever dream.

the trials that come into our life
are for our benefit.
to help us become who we need to be.
they make us stronger.

I have grown.
I am stronger.
I don't take things for granted.
I have become a better wife.
a beter friend.
a better me.

I am a better person
because
I am infertile.

Adoption post

How I wish the title could be written backwards: Post-Adoption.  Won’t that be a great day?!

I can’t believe we’ve been a “Waiting Family” for 90 days.  Ninety looooooong days.  I’d be lying if I said that waiting for that phone call doesn’t’ cross my mind a good 90 times an hour.  It does.  It TOTALLY does.  I try to pray about it anytime I think about it, asking God for patience, but also letting Him know that we’re ready, too!  Ha! As if He doesn't know already.

I always wonder how we will receive that magical call. Unless you’ve been through the adoption wait, you probably can’t relate to this level of crazy, but I constantly come up with all the different scenarios and how it might play out.

Maybe I’ll be at work and miss the call.  Our social worker will call Adam, who will then call work and I won't be at my desk so they have me paged over the intercom.  I’ll be all caught off guard and break into tears in the middle of the office when Adam gets to share the good news with me.

Maybe it will be a day that the house is a disaster and I haven’t left my pajamas.  And the laundry is piled high, the yard needs mowed and the house needs cleaned.

Or maybe it will happen this fall, while we are at my dad's for Thanksgiving, surrounded by family.

Or maybe the call will come on an ordinary, boring day, where we’re just going through the motions and receiving our “matched” call is the furthest thing from my mind.

The truth is that in the back of my mind – and sometimes in the forefront – is the thought that every passing day was supposed to be the day.  But then it wasn’t and I’m back to wondering whether the next day will be the day.  Sigh.  I wonder if it ever gets easier?

* * * * * * * * * * *

And, for those who’ve asked, we’re doing a domestic infant adoption. The agency says that placements usually occur anywhere from 6 months to 2 years after the completion of the home study (which we’ve completed), but, of course, it could happen at any time.  I’m faithful that God knows the best time for it to happen for us, but I’m only human and can’t help but wonder when that time will be!