Waiting

Sometimes you find yourself in the middle of a season where there is beauty and heartache at the same time. You're fully aware of God's nearness, yet you are constantly having to lay down questions, doubts and pain. If you're honest and real- which we absolutely have to be with God- you have some really intense conversations with Him. One thing I've realized tho, is that asking why and remaining there only brings more questions- but worshipping and trusting Him brings breakthrough. It might not be this big goosebump and immediate joy kind of breakthrough- but it's a breaking through of His spirit through the walls of offense and deep disappointment. The pages of my journal might contain majorly honest thoughts and concerns to the Lord- but somehow through it all He meets me here and gives me a peace that I cannot explain. As I've been walking through this season with my sister losing her sweet baby, still born at 7 months- I've come to learn more and more that Religious Christianese terms or phrases don't help- they actually shut someone down. But true emotion and walking through the valley with someone in this place helps. Waiting on the Holy Spirit, worshipping while tears are running down your face, surrendering your questions and fears, letting go of offenses, and waiting for Him to meet you here- that's what helps- so...here I am Lord--waiting.

Kari Jobe wrote that and posted it on Facebook today. I know exactly what she means when she says " I've come to learn more and more that Religious Christianese terms or phrases don't help- they actually shut someone down. But true emotion and walking through the valley with someone in this place helps." I have wanted to turn and run when this happens - most recently! I keep feeling the tug of Jesus, my Abba Father pulling me back; with His gentle voice and soft hands. He holds me in His arms and says Be Still and Know... Be Still and Know, my precious daughter. This season has felt like a long one and although deep down I know one day I'll look back at it and say, I get it, I understand and I'd do it all over again for these results... today I'm frustrated and wondering when this season will end. Here I am Lord -- waiting.