Hello, all you soon to be adoptive parents!
How are you feeling today? The answer to that is probably either overwhelmed, impatient, worried, scared, frustrated, angry, sad, hopeful, optimistic, tired, or a combination of a lot of these and other emotions. Guess what? That’s okay and those emotions will pass. Take a deep breath. Know that adoption is not easy on anyone. Adoption is one way to create a family or add to your family. It is a blessing filled with an endless roller coaster of emotions.
I’ve been there three times. I am so thankful to say that I have two beautiful and wonderful children. I know what you are going through can seem like a lot. It’s frustrating that you must fill out forms, have physicals, background checks, strangers in your home and place all of your most sacred information and feelings down on several pieces of paper. Then you must wait. Wait for the home study to be finished, wait to be selected by a birthmother or matched with a waiting child, wait for your child to be born or ready to come home, wait for red tape (with international) and wait for relinquishment and finalization.
It can seem like a lot of stress and a lot of waiting. Please don’t forget to keep the hope alive. Children are full of hope and wonder and will bring such joy to your life when they arrive. While you are going through this sometimes chaotic process, remember to stop and smell the roses, or hydrangeas, or rhododendrons; any flower really. Take time for yourself. Take time for your spouse. If you already have children, take time to be with them before they have a new sibling. Take them to the park, go for a hike, or go to a museum. Do whatever you love to do together.
Adoption can, at times, seem like it makes you put your life on hold because you get caught up in everything you have to do and all of the emotions you are feeling as you desperately wait for that child that will call you ‘Mom’ or ‘Dad.’ I totally understand because it is hard. At times it can feel like you are at war with yourself because you want to be happy for the neighbor who is pregnant or you want to just relax with your spouse, but something in your brain just doesn’t seem to allow you to do that. It can seem like adopting is all you can think about. Adopting is not easy. Keep in mind that it is also not easy for the many expectant mothers out there who might become birthmothers. Also, keep in mind that while this can sometimes seem like an endless struggle with no light at the end of the tunnel, it will end and you will see the light.
Then you become a parent for the first time or a parent again, and then the fun, sometimes chaotic and new stresses and/or worries begin!
Please always remember it does get better even when it can seem like it won’t. Keep your chin up and enjoy life (and sleep) as much as you can. You are doing fine. I feel life always seems to have a way of working things out just the way they are meant to be. Just wait and see! (We learn to get good at waiting!)
Sincerely,
Someone who has been there :)
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